Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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