I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
