Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
its not stalking. its research.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
