So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
