In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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