No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize