There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
