I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
