Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
