Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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