:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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