look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
