The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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