you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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