Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
