I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
