who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
