That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
