i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize