Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
