the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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