I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
