remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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