you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize