You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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