I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's like iHOP with fire
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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