Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
