I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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