i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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