he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize