She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She bit a glass in half.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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