I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
