The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
