We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
