there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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