Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
