He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
