My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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