Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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