he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
