Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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