If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
