I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
