She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
