I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize