a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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