Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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