There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
