If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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