someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
