Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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