After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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