Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
