She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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