he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
