I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
