The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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