I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize