How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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