the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
