I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
