His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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