I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
