apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
